Unraveling Sentiments

2011-05-15T00:46:00.000+05:30

Each day brings with it a fresh new perspective towards life... Whether the instances or situations in life are small or big, they tend to open up the floodgates to a gush of thoughts & emotions. Some positive & some negative, but they offer a whole new dimension to think over.

In the past one year or so, I have managed to learn quite a bit about relationships... I value all those people who are far away from me. I have to come to understand & appreciate them much more. I regret not having done enough for them. I regret the times when I fought or argued or upset them. But that time will never come back. Now all that I can do is to pray for their well being and long life.

2011-05-15T00:40:00.003+05:30

Life is really really strange... it loves to throw up things at you that you never imagine nor expect. At times I feel I am dealing with a competitor called 'life' who loves to challenge me, tease me, mock me, make fun of me... Someone who constantly reminds me to improve myself, transform myself & be someone far different from who I really am...
If I do something good, I get rewarded for it.. But when I dont do what is expected of me I get punished real bad...
Today, as I am cooped up in my room all alone, I can experience a whole lot of emotions at the same time... I feel sad, I feel scared, I feel light, I feel surreal - almost as if I am not going this experience...

I dont know what tomorrow is going to be like... I dont know how good or bad life is really going to be in the coming days, months or years. But what I know now is that I have to make some changes.. This changes may appear small & meaningless but they really are life-altering from my point of view. I dont want to do it for anyone else or any other reason. I want to do it for myself as it will make me come closer to myself.

2011-04-28T17:42:00.001+05:30

Love is nothing but a myth...

2011-04-20T15:44:00.001+05:30

The only thing which you can call your own is the 'pain' you carry in your heart... Rest everything is impermanent...

2011-04-18T11:54:00.003+05:30

I wish to be free... free as a bird who can fly high in the skies... with no fears, restrictions, insecurities or boundaries... I want to be able to live the way I always wanted to...
I want to breathe the fresh air...I want to smell the lovely flowers... I want to witness the highs of life... I want to view the world from amazing heights...

Will my wishes ever come true?????

2011-04-11T17:46:00.002+05:30

There is never really a reason to believe or disbelieve someone or something... It either exists or doesn't exist without any basis so to say.. It is only with time that truth presents itself to us and makes way for a confirmation or riddance of any pre-existing beliefs.

2011-04-08T16:42:00.002+05:30

I need to let go - the past, present as well as the future... I need to start afresh! A new beginning implies getting rid of all the excess baggage... But this would imply making a lot of harsh changes to my life. Oh God! Please give me the strength to do as I intend to...

2011-04-07T11:22:00.002+05:30

I really miss home... each & every moment... I miss the love, comfort and security of being with my family. But I also know that going back is never an option, no matter what the circumstances... I fully understand their questions & concerns but I have no proper answers...

I have to learn how to fight my battles all alone.. I have to learn to be strong & capable.. I have to work on myself a lot. A personal transformation was always an option that I desperately needed to exercise. But now, it has become a compulsion..
In order to live this life, I have no choice but to change myself into someone I am not...

2011-04-06T18:03:00.003+05:30

Days come by much easier now... Either the pain has become accustomed to me or vice versa. Whatsoever it may be, the tears have paused for now. But life continues to be an impossibly enigmatic and rather difficult path to tread..
Emotions still run astray and thoughts just aimlessly float around all the time.. I tend to feel unloved and unwanted here. That my existence makes simply no difference to anyone. With time, I will have all my answers. I just hope they are the ones that I can handle..
I need a purpose - a strong enough purpose that can drive me away from the present mess and towards a meaningful end. My current to-do list isn't convincing at all. Nevertheless, I will have to go along with it for the time being.

2011-03-31T14:34:00.000+05:30

'PAIN'... is all I can feel...

2011-03-29T18:23:00.001+05:30

I just wish I wasn't such an emotional fool... At every step, I have to go through so much of pain because of my ridiculously emotional nature. Yet, I fail to learn... This huge jolt might just be the lesson that I will take. I need to be less emotional and more detached. I need to stop thinking about everyone... I need to learn how to live like a machine which mechanically performs all its tasks and depreciates gradually to meet its final death... maybe I can be like that. All it needs is some efforts! Hard work can help one achieve anything. So, let this be my goal in life....

Its not that I do not want to live the way others do - free and happy. Its just that I know that I won't be able to. I am a firm believer in destiny and karmas. The past has revealed to me that I am not meant to be happy, ever... I dont have the strength to fight my destiny or be hopeful that a miracle might be on its way. Now, I am at ease being in pain. I have accepted it as my life and my destiny.

Back to where I was...

2011-03-28T13:55:00.002+05:30

Life loves to always throw me back on track... I am not allowed to deviate from my usual lifestyle that comprises of pain, anguish and insecurities... Last few months were probably the better ones of my life so far. Atleast I thought so...
But the carpet of comfort was yanked away from under my feet and I fell flat on my face. I find myself in a land of nothing - where I have noone with me, nowhere to go and nothing to look forward to. Life has become very painful, as it never ever was...
This time around I am devoid of any hope whatsoever... Whatever happens in the future, one thing is for sure - happiness will never knock on my door again...

Unfortunately, I am back...

2010-04-03T15:43:00.005+05:30

For certain reasons, I have terribly missed this blog and particularly missed being able to write - no, not the conventional scribbling of words and sentences but writing in a manner that heals me....truly and deeply unraveling my emotions... the darker side of me that I myself cannot always comprehend..sentiments that even I am unaware of... they all found a meaning here...this space has been almost theraupetic..
To me, this long hiatus meant that I was over that phase of life (which was complex and strange), atleast I thought so and it made me quite happy to say the least. I felt that I was getting closer to how I wanted my life to be and the past did not have a place in the future...

Unfortunately, today I am back in this space.. A whole lot has changed over the years but some aspects of life remain the same.. those very areas that pricked me the most, that hurt me the most and ruined me the most. I do not know how to deal with myself and the situation anymore...

Am I doing anything wrong in dreaming of a happier n brighter future? Why can't I have simple solutions and no more problems? Things can never ever be perfect but I still want them to be...
I know the problem lies in the way I view things...It is too idealistic. Life can never be completely devoid of problems. Whatever problems exist, they must be fought bravely and properly dealt with.... No matter how much I remind myself of all this, it just doesn't help... I do not find in myself the strength to fight, I am unable to accept things the way they are.. I can no more carry this pain.... Wish someone had the answers and the solutions!!!!

2009-09-15T17:10:00.002+05:30

"How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as love?? "

- Albert Einstein

I simply do not know why..

2009-03-27T19:56:00.005+05:30

I don't know why I do what I do..

I don't know why I don't do what I need to do..

I don't know why there are things that I must do..

I don't know how can I be the person I cannot be..

I don't know why I cannot see what others can see..

I don't know why others can't feel what I feel..

I don't know why I can never remember what I really need to..

I don't know why I am always thinking that which I don't need to..

I don't know why there's a little dumbo in my head that keeps blabbering all the time..

The Superlatives...

2009-03-05T12:31:00.005+05:30

The most satisfying work - HELPING OTHERS

The most endangered species - DEDICATED LEADERS

The greatest natural resource - OUR YOUTH

The greatest shot in the arm - ENCOURAGEMENT

The greatest problem to overcome - FEAR

The most effective sleeping pill - PEACE OF MIND

The most crippling failure disease - EXCUSES

The most powerful force in life - LOVE

World's most incredible supercomputer - BRAIN

Worst thing to be without - HOPE

The most powerful relationship tool - TONGUE

The Two most power filled words - I CAN

The most powerful communication - PRAYER

The greatest asset - FAITH

The most worthless emotion - SELF-PITY

The most prized possession - SELF ESTEEM

The most contagious spirit - ENTHUSIASM

The most beautiful attire - SMILE

Let's Celebrate Love!!!

2009-02-13T23:00:00.007+05:30

I came across an Article in the newspaper which spoke about Love. The article quoted the definition of love as given in the Bible.

"Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; It does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

This is such a beautiful & complete way of expressing an emotion (which I always considered indescribable). Tomorrow is Valentine's Day - the day to celebrate Love in its entirety and utmost purity. I have heard, read & come across a lot of people who question the relevance of this day. But I say why not?? Why shouldn't we have a day that celebrates Love - the essence & beauty of 'Love'. Love that captures not just a romantic bond between a couple but also chaste love between a mother & a child, the camaraderie between two friends, the sweet-sour affection among siblings, the faithful devoutness of a devotee for God or for that matter, a plain un-named relationship between two individuals.
I wholeheartedly agree with the thinking that we must understand, cherish & express our Love to our loved ones every single day (or for that matter each moment of our existence). In these unpredictable strange times of life, we all must gather, steal & wheedle out all those beautiful moments of love & togetherness that we can. But as we get caught in the whirlpool of life, I think days like the Valentine's day bring with it a tender realization of the significance of love. Its certainly not meant to be the only day in the year when you celebrate love. To me, this day is an opportunity to celebrate, to do something extra-special for all the people who mean the world to me, feel blessed & grateful for all the love I have and most importantly, promise myself to be more loving & giving with each passing moment.
Cheers to 'Love' and all those people who believe in 'Love'...

HAPPY VALENTINE's DAY!!! :)

It's time to say Good-bye, to the year gone by...

2008-12-31T17:38:00.005+05:30

Each year happens to be a mix of good & the not-so-good, in varying proportions. 2008 turned out to be a year that tilted more towards the ‘not so good’, in almost every aspect. On this last day, like every other year, I sit down to rewind & review the happenings of the year. After much introspection & deliberation, I have a long list of do’s & don’ts for the coming year. Hope I can successfully meet all the resolutions this time, unlike every other year.. :)

Wishing all my lovely blog-mates a bright, happy, peaceful & safe NEW YEAR!!!
Let’s embrace 2009 with hope & faith in our hearts and spread the message of love & peace the year round... :D

Sunrise of my Life..

2008-10-14T13:10:00.006+05:30

For every dark sunset that you survive, there is going to be a beautiful Sunrise to welcome you... :)

"Live totally, and live intensely, so that each moment becomes golden and your whole life becomes a series of golden moments. Such a person never dies because she has the Midas touch: whatever she touches becomes gold.... " (Quote by Osho)

AN EMPTY BOX...

2008-09-26T13:51:00.007+05:30

LOVE... SUPERFICIAL

FRIENDSHIP... FAKE

PEACE... DECEPTIVE

FAITH... MYTHICAL

SMILES... SHALLOW

EMOTIONS... INSINCERE

TEARS... MUTED

DREAMS... WRECKAGE

THOUGHTS... BARREN

MY LIFE IS AN EMPTY BOX....

Loose Threads...

2008-07-14T12:22:00.002+05:30

There she was, elegantly placed on the wooden chair by the big window, looking out at the skies. There was nothing particularly interesting about the sky or the moon today.

Infact, it was rather dreary & sombre, aptly reflecting her state of mind.

Yet, she looked above, simply coz she lacked the courage to face the battered remnants – the multicoloured threads & the associated/attached varied thoughts resting in her lap.
It wasn’t too long ago that she had been sitting at the same place, cosily wrapped in the silken fabric of her dreams & desires.

It had taken her immense patience, tender care, oodles of love and brilliant imagination to weave the two threads together and create a relationship so exquisitely beautiful.

Ohh! How she looked forward to each day of embellishing the thread work with those beautiful coloured beads n pearls.. How much she cherished the way it caressed her..

Cuddled & comforted her..
But what had gone wrong?

Somewhere, she had been so consumed with the nectar of love and completely blinded by its wondrous pleasures that she failed to notice the loose threads...

Lost in the thought of building a picture perfect relationship, she lost sight of the reality of life..
One loose thread has the capacity to unknot the complete relationship...

M bak..

2008-07-01T12:04:00.003+05:30

Hello people!! :)
Getting bak to my blog after almost a month.. the scheduled break ws only 15 days.. but i jst couldn't and didn't want to get bak..
It'll probably take me some more time to get bak to writing.. nevertheless, m around to catch up on all the lovely blogs.. :)

Away...

2008-06-01T21:15:00.004+05:30

Goin to be away for a while.. b bak mid june..
Please Wish me Good luck!! :)

Enjoy people!! n Keep SMiling!! :)

Genuine Desires..

2008-05-21T20:01:00.000+05:30

Today I unwrapped the box of life
Filled to the brim it was
With worldly gems and jewels
I thought I acquired it all
But my existence is yet so incomplete...
I desire for something more...something genuine
I yearn for a gentle stroke of love
In the times of unfaithful passions
Crave for a speck of truth
In the falsities of words and deeds
Searching for traces of faith
In the web of rationality and logic
Longing for a moment of peace
In the turbulence of minds n hearts
Get me a pure drop of tear
In the murky waters of emotions

Help me..
Time is running out !!!

Yet Again...

2008-05-07T21:59:00.005+05:30

Not getting the time to write these days..coz of this exam that's seriously driving me crazy... :(

This is a repost.. One of my very early ones..

Something reminded me of my best friend today.. :)

And I thought of posting this bit again..

Yet again……I found myself in agony

n yet again…he was there by my side

Its always been a mystery

I never ever had to reach out to him

I never ever had to wait

He always sensed my pain..

He arrived..lovingly looked at me in the eye

My vision blurred for moments

And then he gently touched my cheek

Stayed there with me for long….

Do not recollect when he withdrew

But as always I had been healed

By Him…..my best friend

He is the Drop of Tear that thrives on me

Others need someone to wipe their tears

I only want my tears to mend my broken heart…………

...my best friend.

I am missing him yet again…………….

Tagged!!

2008-04-26T21:18:00.008+05:30

Well.... I got tagged for the first time ( by a beautiful lady Solitaire :) )
Hope I can come up with some answers... and hopefully interesting ones!! ;)

8 things I am passionate about...
(but not necessarily in this order)
1. Music
2. Food (Yeah..anything n everything..chinese, italian, north Indian or South Indian..chocolates..ice creams..u name it & I love it...Gosh!! M feeling hungry)
3. Reading
4. Sketching n Painting
5. Writing
6. Love (Sounds strange probably..but m passionate about love.. loving people..anything & everything associated with love)
7. Passionate about my dreams n ambitions..
8. Spirituality

8 things I want to do before I die...

1. Travel the world.. a long list of places n cities I wanna visit
2. Have an exhibition of my paintings & sketches
3. Want to do something extremely special for my parents ..(maybe gift them a world tour)
4. Open a book shop or a Cafe or a Cookies shop..
5. Wanna own a beautiful home with fabulous interiors.. and have all the beautiful people I love with me
6. Want to learn a few things before I die - To play the violin, Salsa..Classical Singing..
7. Wanna meet Sachin Tendulkar
8. Successful career

8 things I say often...
1. Shit!
2. Shut up
3. Oye or Oye hoye
4. Get lost
5. I mean (tend to use it a lot in my sentences)
6. Ohh God
7. Hmmmmm..
8. Gosh

8 books I have read recently...
1. Powers of the Subconscious mind
2. Fooled by Randomness (Started reading it..)
3. My CFA course books ... :(
4. Eleven Minutes (Coelho)
5. Like a flowing river (Coelho)
(These are the only recent ones.. )

8 songs I could listen to over and over again...
1. Jhuki jhuki si nazar (Jagjit Singh)
(well.. I can listen to every ghazal of Jagjit singh over & over again..)
2. Tujhse naraz nahi zindagi (Masoom)
3. Tere bina zindagi se koi shikva toh nahi (Aandhi)
4. Ae kaash ke hum (Kabhi haan kabhi naa)
5. Baatein kuch ankahi si (Life in a Metro)
6. O Re Piya (Aaja Nachle)
7. Yeh jo des hai tera (Swades)
8. My Heart will go on (Celine Dion)

8 things that attract me to my best friends...
1. They are all genuine unique individuals
2. I can be myself with them
3. They can anytime bring a smile on my face
4. Have supported me in my tough times
5. Sharing & caring attitude
6. For tackling me when I am difficult & unreasonable
7. I always get to learn so much from them.
8. They love me for who I am

8 people I think should do this tag...
Well, I don't even know 8 people in bloggersphere.. :(
So, the answer for this one is - 'Not Applicable' :)

Happy Birthday My Love!!!

2008-04-24T13:32:00.010+05:30

Here's wishing you a veryyyyyyyy Happy Birthdayyyyyyyyyyy!!! :)

I don't recall the moment I fell for this man.. ;) However, if there's anyone I have sincerely and absolutely idolized, it is Sachin Tendulkar. Sayin that he is the best cricketer in the world is certainly stating the obvious. So I wouldn't do that (though I just did..) ;) Unfortunately, I still haven't gained much knowledge about the technicalities of the game, so I really can't comment much about his cricketing strengths. I find his passion and absolute commitment towards the game truly truly inspirational. His love for the game, dedication and determination to excel & surpass himself is exemplary. To me, Cricket means Sachin Tendulkar.

Also, I simply adore him for being such a thorough gentleman on and off the field. Every individual has to go through ups and downs on personal as well as professional fronts. He has had quite a few lean patches careerwise. When a person achieves success of such magnaminous proportions, people not just expect him to sustain it but everytime create a new landmark of success. But we forget, if success is natural, failure is inevitable. He has always gracefully carried the enormous & burden of the whole country's expectations with such ease and grace. Only letting his work speak for him. All my love & best wishes to you..

I really really really really wanna meet him someday (and if possible give him a huge tight hug).. Hope my wish is fulfilled... :) Amen!

My favourite pic of Sachin - :D Ain't he simply adorable?

Have you looked at the mirror closely??

2008-04-13T19:23:00.000+05:30

(**Repost**)
Every now and then, the mirror compels me to confront myself..
Unlike the alive beings, it is completely pretence proof.
It smirks at the fake smile I offer….
ruthlessly reveals the creases of pain on the face..
i can even see the unknown tears absurdly dance in the eyes waiting for their turn…
while the dried ones have left smudges so conspicuous now….
the artificial lotions n potions do nothing to conceal the angst….
I shudder at my own ghastly image ……..
it gets unbearable and the very moment I decide to run away
there is a flash of light ...a blur…
then, I see myself again but with a fresh reflection….
a smile extends on the face that is so pure…
skin sparkles with innocence...
eyes that twinkle with hope….
their crystal waters shimmer with beautiful dreams…
Life is like a pendulum that oscillates between agony and ecstasy….
and so does my existence……. :)

Urrrgggggghhhhhhh!!!

2008-04-12T23:47:00.005+05:30

Does love make people selfish??? if so, why?
Why do people become so self-centred & obssessed when they are in love? They see nothing & feel nothing except love & the one they are in love with... at one level, it is all nice n mushy n romantic n great..but at another level, it implies a high level of insensitivity towards the other people, who have been with them through thick n thin.. supported them in their lonely moments..
Funnily, I lost many of my friends, thanks to the love bug..
Anyhow, cheers to them and their love..

(Can't believe I am writing this..but what the heck, I am really pissed off... )

Each One has its Own Tale

2008-04-08T00:33:00.002+05:30

"Each one has its Own Tale...Let me tell you mine"

How can I possibly forget those eyes? The reason I exist.. Devastating..Mesmerising..Serene..Earthy brown..

A mere glance was enough for just about anyone to see her soul shine through..

Only I knew of the immense depths with those exquisitely wrapped secrets..

Even the oceans paled in comparison..

I knew they were longing for a special someone..

Craving for those piercing gazes and the sensual warmth..

and the secrets would softly melt in a moment and pour out..

Making way for Love.. so pure..poetic..poignant..

Both of us understood the impossibility & impracticality of it all..

However, Our Love did not - My Love for her & Her Love for "Him"

(He who was still a figment of her imagination)..

Our love never left us alone.. Always stood there..

Stubborn, sulking and pining...

Relentlessly striving to defy all logic..to dismantle any and every barrier..and even disobey the destined..

Lured by the charms of the unknown, she continued to weave the web of virgin dreams..

only to find herself trapped soon...

In an attemp to bail her out, Countless precious pearls had slipped on those warm pink cheeks..

Each one having its own tale..

But I am special..Do you know why?

Coz I am the silent tear that chose not to part.. but to live with my Woman for her entire life..

In her beautiful eyes..Ain't I the luckiest? :)

(Dedicated to all those lovely ladies with resolute faith in the existence of Love... striving & struggling in their pursuit for true real love... )

- A Silent drop of tear

Wish I knew...

2008-03-31T23:53:00.000+05:30

I faced the fierce sunrays for hours thinking
It would dispel the darkness within
Wish I knew the candle of hope was waiting to be rekindled…

I soaked myself in the heavy rain thinking
It would rinse away the blemishes on the soul
Wish I knew I needed the willingness to change...

I immersed myself in the crowds thinking
It would take away the loneliness pangs
Wish I knew the worth of a genuine relationship...

I gazed at the rainbow for long thinking
It would lend colors to my life
Wish I knew I chose the palette of gray n blacks...

I let the winds slap me on the face thinking
It would be a punishment for the immoral deeds
Wish I knew I had to pay off as long as I lived...

I walked on the snow barefoot thinking
It would treat the wounds and scars
Wish I knew they could never be healed...

I squandered away all the time thinking
There would be several others to rejoice
I wish I knew this was the last moment
I wish I knew this was the last moment…

Random Thots!

2008-03-25T20:34:00.004+05:30

why do some people have it so easy in life... and why is it that a lot of people live through their lives miserably despite all the sincere efforts... do we really get what we deserve??.. or is it that we deserve only what we get... maybe, its only a matter of one's perspective towards life and nothing else...

Wish I had a magic wand to set certain things right for myself and a lot of people around me... :)

Untitled..

2008-03-19T23:11:00.003+05:30

Salaam Namaste - T...

Heard this song after quite some time today... surprisingly i felt my eyes moisten and voila!! those drops quietly fell on my cheeks one by one... I dont know why it happened...

The music evoked a strange, vaccous feeling... as if m surrounded by a zone of emptiness all around... Within few moments, the space got filled with certain memories, the ones I had gotten riddance of.. atleast that is what I thought.. and gradually, plenty of other thoughts took over..

There wasnt any sort of direct connect of the song to what I went through or what I have been going through.. it just made me feel lonely.. I longed for someone to say these words to me.. to comfort me, make me feel protected & loved, to hold me tightly in his arms & say that everything is going to be just fine...

It wasn't about feeling weak or incapable of handling the situations & struggles in my life. It wasn't even about looking out for someone to sympathise or empathise with me. I am proud of the fact that I have developed the strength & patience to manage myself and my life very well. It was just like a rare moment of 'craving'... I wish it was one of those conventional desires for an ice-cream or a chocolate or anything for that matter which I could have satisfied somehow.. it is the thirst for so-called genuine & meaningful wants which can't be quenched so easily. But it was just what my soul ordered for today... I simply shrugged my shoulders, wiped my tears and got back to work.. the longing remains...

Secrets of Love!!!!

2008-03-15T12:41:00.006+05:30

(Came across this article somewhere.... )

The First Secret - The Power Of Thought

***********************************

Love begins with our thoughts. We become what we think about. Loving thoughts create loving experiences and loving relationships. Affirmations can change our beliefs and thoughts about others and ourselves. If we want to love someone, we need to consider their needs and desires. Thinking about your ideal partner will help you recognize her when you meet her.

The Second Secret - The Power Of Respect

***********************************

You cannot love anyone or anything unless you first respect them. The first person you need to respect is yourself. To begin to gain self-respect asks yourself, “What do I respect about myself?” To gain respect for others, even those you may dislike, ask yourself “What do I respect about them?”

The Third Secret - The Power Of Giving

**********************************

If you want to receive love, all you have to do is give it! The more love you give, the more you will receive. To love is to give of yourself freely and unconditionally. Practice random acts of kindness. Before committing to a relationship ask not what the other person will be able to give to you, but rather what will you be able to give them. The secret formula of ahappy, lifelong, loving relationship is to always focus on what you can give instead of what you can take.

The Fourth Secret - The Power Of Friendship

***************************************

To find a true love, you must first find a true friend. Love does not consist of gazing into each other’s eyes, but rather looking outward together in the same direction. To love someone completely you must love them for who they are, not what they look like. Friendship is the soil through which love’s seeds grow. If you want to bring love into a relationship, you must first bring friendship.

The Fifth Secret - The Power Of Touch

**********************************

Touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love, breaking down barriers and bonding relationships. Touch changes our physical and emotional states and makes us more receptive to love.

The Sixth Secret - The Power Of Letting Go

*************************************

If you love something, let it free. If it comes back to you it’s yours, if it doesn’t, it never was. Even in a loving relationship, people need their own space. If we want to learn to love, we must first learn to forgive and let go of past hurts and grievances. Love means letting go of our fears, prejudices, egos and conditions. “Today I let go of all my fears, the past has no power over me - today is the beginning of a new life.”

The Seventh Secret - The Power Of Communication

********************************************

When we learn to communicate openly and honestly, life changes. To love someone is to communicate with them. Let the people you love know that you love them and appreciate them. Never be afraid to say those three magic words: “I Love you.” Never let an opportunity pass to praise someone. Always leave someone you love with a loving word - it could be the last time you see them. If you were about to die but could make telephone calls to the people you loved, who would you call, what would you say and..why are you waiting?

The Eighth Secret - The Power Of Commitment

****************************************

If you want to have love in abundance, you must be committed to it, and that commitment will be reflected in your thoughts and actions. Commitment is the true test of love. If you want to have loving relationships, you must be committed to loving relationships. When you are committed to someone or something, quitting is never an option. Commitment distinguishes a fragile relationship from a strong one.

The Ninth Secret - The Power Of Passion

***********************************

Passion ignites love and keeps it alive. Lasting passion does not come through physical attraction alone; it comes from deep commitment, enthusiasm, interest and excitement. Passion can be recreated by recreating past experiences when you felt passionate. Spontaneity and surprises produce passion. The essence of love and happiness are the same; all we need to do is to live each day with passion.

The Tenth Secret - The Power Of Trust

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Trust is essential in all loving relationships. Without it one person becomes suspicious, anxious and fearful and the other person feels wrapped and emotionally suffocated. You cannot love someone completely unless you trust them completely. Act as if your relationship with the person you love will never end. One of the ways you can tell whether a person is right for you is to ask yourself, “Do I trust them completely and unreservedly?” If the answer is “no”, think carefully before making a commitment.

2008-03-13T00:09:00.002+05:30

Its 1 A.M. ... m too tired to write..

succha lot of work pending... phewww!!
mujhe bahut ninni aayi hai... mummyyyyyyy!!!!

2008-03-11T11:34:00.007+05:30

Khamaj.mp3

One of my most favorite songs...yeah!! the voice is simply awesome.. But I truly love the song for the emotions it expresses and evokes... m mesmerized like always!! :)

(I miss you....)

Defeated..

2008-03-08T12:02:00.005+05:30

"Defeated"... Yes, we have been defeated.. In the last10 months, I didnt even let this word cross my mind coz I had full conviction and absolute faith in the cause we were fighting for. The faith still stands strong & unfazed. But the bottomline is a battle cannot be fought only on the basis of thought & spirit.

It isnt an easy task to fight for justice in any realm of life and this fact wasnt unknown to us. We let the overwhelming spirit of truth & righteousness prevail and decided to take the plunge. We chose to fight the demons with every ounce of strength and courage in our body and soul. Can't really say about my fellow beings but me & my family are a part of this mission coz we owe it to that one man who gave us everything - a reason to live... the judgement of right and wrong... ability to take decisions... the awareness of our real purpose...the meaning of life... the light of faith... the path to spirituality & bliss... bountiful blessings & enormous love...

We fought for 'him' and for 'ourselves'... its one and the same thing...coz the invisible lines that separate us were getting blurred with time.

It was never the will or the spirit to battle it out that was lacking... it was those seemingly unimportant peripheral areas that brought about the doom. Sadly, truth doesnt find many takers. We have made it a basic human tendency to turn a blind eye to all the wrongs happening around us.. Worse, people willingly join the evil brigade, lured by momentary gains.. After all, its a commercial society that we live in... everything has a price tag attached to it... I personally know hordes of people who put themselves on sale and eventually stood on the other side of the line. It is the human and non-human resources that fell short of... Turned every stone to win every form of support... And not to forget, the corrupt politicians & the rotten judicial system hit the final nail in the coffin.. Here we stand today, just a handful of people... demoralized, shattered, heartbroken...

As I am writing this, my words keep oscillating between the past & the present tense... Somewhere, deep down I am struggling to accept the facts in front of my eyes... and of course, the ray of hope hasn't extinguished yet... have to keep that alive somehow..

Not letting the tears drop out of my eyes... a weak moment is the last thing I want... let the pain prick me every second... do not want this defeat to get erased out of my memory... rest, I leave upto you Lord...Amen!!

2008-03-06T22:26:00.004+05:30

"Ssssssshhhhhhhhhhh.....!!!! Finger on your lips... I want pindrop silence..." I put on that school principal kinda stern look and a somewhat authoritative tone and asked my mind to just shutup... Have been totally fedup of its childish mischief and melodrama in last few months.. Got some lovely moments of peace today... sigh..finally!!!!!! It felt so nice n quiet within.. simply loved it.. :)

My crazy lil mind is always upto some devilish prank. Relentlessly trying to interfere in whatever I do..and whatever I dont do.. Thank god!! He took to my scolding this time around... ;)

I just dont wanna think anything for a few days.. Taking a break from my 'thought process' ..

Gonna be a mute spectator for a while.. the objective would be to - Look Observe & Assimilate without any kinda reasoning, logic or rationality gushing in.. Let's how it goes...

Missed you...

2008-03-04T22:18:00.003+05:30

Whoah!!! Its been a while I put something on my blog...

Did I run out of topics or devoid of thoughts?? Neither.. Its not even paucity of time.. just the inability to structure my thoughts... coz there's simply too much to handle.. work, studies, health and an important issue which is gradually turning sore... and a lot more... So, I just keep wildly jumping n hopping from one subject to another..

But I truly missed you my dear blog... :) ..my bestest buddy at all times.. You always quietly n patiently listen to me... very sweetly assimilate all the crap I offer.. :) hehehehe...
Promise to try and be regular now on...

Letting it go..

2008-02-15T18:52:00.003+05:30

So far, it has been people saying good-byes to me...sometimes silent...sometimes verbal...often subtle...rarely open n direct.. Now, I am making an exception..not just for the heck of it.. moreso, as a need of the hour. I am making extremely sincere attempts to steer my life into the direction I always wanted. Have been trying to do that for long..but its not going to be half-baked attempts anymore. In this process of revamping my life, I chose to say good-byes to a lot of friends. The list is so long that it makes me wonder for a few moments..What was I upto all this while? Am I so naive n foolish that everytime I end up being a victim of the famous Dishonest Backstabbers Group?

Anyhow, Let me just do what I wanted to... and waste no more of my time.

Goodbye to all those lucky people out there!!! Thank you so much for teaching me the most crucial..most painful n most important lessons of life... I think its much better to live alone with some integrity n self respect than be an emotional slave to those who just do not care..

(Luckiest are those...who find genuine friends in life... )

Put an end to this Wait...

2008-02-05T19:57:00.000+05:30

I have been trying to contact you for so many days..rather, months... infact..its been years...but you are always 'not reachable' or 'unavailable' .... Is it that you no more wish to communicate with me? Is it something I said or did? Or Is it that I am lacking in my efforts to get to you? What is it?? Tell me please... Hah!! I can be so dumb n idiotic at times (u r probably thinking 'almost all the time'..but we can save that for some other discussion) ...how would you possibly tell me the reason for not talking to me.. whn you rnt talking to me in the first place..

I need you.. I desperately need you.. Not to heal my pain..Not at all asking you to sort out my problems.. not even to grant me 'this wish' or 'that wish' ...Just want to talk to you.. one on one..So far, it was only about ME.. What I want...n How I want it..How much life sucks..No matter whatever you give me, its never never enough..But now, I want it to be about 'US'..I want to hear your comforting voice..Please come back!! Say all that you wish to...Talk to me!! Guide me...Lead me...Motivate me...Support me...Embrace me.. Just be with me My Lord!!! I cant seem to find you anywhere..anywhich way.... :(

On my way to BLISS...

2008-01-28T20:18:00.000+05:30

(Sigh....) Each breath feels a bit heavy...

each moment passes by with some effort...

Awful lot of noise in the surroundings...

Volumes n Volumes of thoughts continuously pouring in...
Choked with overwhelming emotions...

Cry my heart out till the last drop of pain drains out...
I want to break free....

Unshackle the chains of fears...

those unwanted sentiments...

There isnt a place for them anymore... No more....

I want to immerse myself in the softness of my soul...
Wish to be wrapped in the fabric of silken dreams...

Feel the elixir of passion seductively slide down my throat...

Be Intoxicated with Love...

Let the light of divinity caress my eyelids...
Unravel my essence & Discover my Bliss....

CHEERS!!!!!

2007-12-21T20:03:00.000+05:30

Here comes the most exciting time of the year..My Birthday, Christmas and New Years!! :)

Wow!! There is an amazing amalgamation of emotions that I always experience and witness a beautiful potpourri of colours, festivities, lights and gifts and what not....And everytime I wish for time to stand still..for me...Coz I wish to absorb every bit of love splendour and enthusiasm circulating in the air..Enough to last for a year atleast :)

The funniest thing is that I have been cooped up in my room for past few days and not exactly a witness to the wonders outside..But I can almost visualise it..I can almost smell it and taste it and feel the tingling within.. heheheh..Hope to do lots of shopping and exciting stuff in the last few days of this year.. Have to make up for so much and undo the effects of a lot of things that should not have happened..

In a small little corner of my heart there is a tinge of darkness.. But today I am holding in my hands the candle of hope and the brilliance of the love in my life and countless blessings.. Today I want to be a little selfish and feel like saying a genuine prayer for myself..something I haven't done before. My dearest and sweetest Lord..I wish for lots and lots of happiness..oodles and oodles of love..tons & tons of success..and of course good health. Look forward to receiving my bag of goodies this Christmas. Amen!!! :)

Finding this Winter bit too cold...

2007-12-10T22:50:00.000+05:30

This Winter seems to be the season of Love...All around me People are falling in love...getting engaged..wedding bells are ringing..Celebrations galore.... My Friends, Cousins, Family friends...Everyone is living a blissful life with their respective partners..And hey, as usual, without an exception I am excluded from these joys in life..Partly by choice and primarily by chance..

I am not complaining and I am not demanding..But yes, I am sad and terribly lonely...

I never realised I had changed so much in the past few months..Gone are the days when I used to be genuinely happy for others..I am certainly very happy for all my loved ones and have only good wishes to offer from the core of my heart..But still...it somewhere does leave a sour taste..I know it sounds awful..Frankly, I dont really care coz I am being honest to myself..

Things have changed drastically..not for the better of course.. The word friendship has lost its meaning..When their own little world is so beautiful, they dont really need an outsider..And the moments I want someone by my side, I dont have them..I feel as if I dont know these people anymore, who were an integral part of my life for years.. Maybe its just a passing phase..Hope so!!

The icing on the cake is my being single..I dont understand how and why it is a point of concern for the rest of the world..Every now and then, I find myself at the receiving end..Every person on the road has a lecture or an advice or an opinion to hand over..Gimme a break!! What the hell do you know and Why the hell do you care? Just coz their own life is hunky-dory gives them a right to point fingers at me..With not an inkling of what I might be possibly going through? Who doesnt want to be in love and be loved??
But its not in my hands.. I am living this life and noone can possibly understand what I go through..I do not expect anyone to understand or empathise or sympathise...But I desperately need peace..Let me be!! Please!! Let me be with the memories of the happier days gone by.. And the love and thoughts of those very very few people who mean the world to me and will always do.....

I have always been really really fond of the Winter season..The sun might get a little dull this time of the year but I used to be all bright and cheerful..Not this time though..I am definitely finding this winter a bit too cold....Looking forward to the Spring......................

Missing You..

2007-12-06T10:10:00.001+05:30

On this cold wintery morning with a soft touch of sunshine...I find myself so lonely..Completely overpowered by your thoughts..Wish you knew How much I miss you and How much I want to be with you..

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Silence before the Storm!

2007-12-01T15:48:00.000+05:30

Its an eerie feeling...this silence..It had started to get real comforting and I habituated myself to it..All of a sudden it feels creepy..I move around in the world carrying this invisible sheath around myself...Absolutely impenetrable..(Even I cannot get across it) Its a pathetic empty vaccuous experience for sure..the upside being riddance of the 'sensitivity' that was both my strongest and weakest point...I am aware of the sense of incompleteness..a milder version of identity crisis..Whatsoever, Don't have an option..

I am seriously tensed about the storm brewing at home..Neither prevention nor cure would work! Flow with the tide I guess and face the grim consequences.. Praying and Hoping for a Miracle.. Amen!

2007-11-24T19:57:00.001+05:30

Nothing but Questions..

2007-11-23T01:19:00.000+05:30

Is it the beginning or the end..

Or something in between?

Friendship or Love..

Or a relationship devoid of a label?

The burdensome past or thr future so dark

Or be in the Empty Present ?

Do I wish to Live or Die..

Isn't it just the same??

(I miss everything..the smiles..the laughter..the names..the chats..conversations..the warmth..the....everything!! Its so lonely once again...)

2007-11-23T01:13:00.001+05:30

There is so much that can be said, simply by not saying anything... Silence speaks and speak volumes it does.. I wonder what to make of this silence... It conveys something meaningful..But I wish I wasn't this naive.. (Maybe it is asking me to quietly drift away..never to return..? Maybe! I got no other option)

Calling out to YOU...

2007-11-22T20:01:00.000+05:30

Its like fighting a lost battle...Whatever be the outcome, I find myself on the losing end..

When I asked you for something, you chose not to give...And today, when that something walked upto my doorstep..I shut the doors..Immense fears and pain have engulfed me...Why My Lord?? Why do you constantly remind me that I am not meant to be happy.. Am being punished for which sin? I am calling out to you from the most penetrating depths of my soul..Please 'G' !! I demand an answer.. Why did you leave me in such a state? Why did you go away? I do realise that your love and blessings are always with me..But that is not enough..

Please comfort me when the tears flow endlessly..Please place your hand on my forehead when I am in agony... Please hug me coz I am lonely.. Please talk to me...guide me..show me the way..Noone can do that for me!! Only you understand the mess within and around me..Only you!!! Else, take me away !!!

I choose... Silence...

2007-11-09T13:30:00.000+05:30

When I look for silence,

I find silence

Inside my soul.

When I look for my soul,

I find my soul

Inside my silence.

My silence bridges the gulf between my life's success and my life's failure.

My silence does not magnify my defects.

Nor does it connive at them.

My silence transforms my defects into strength indomitable.
My silence is a climbing flame that warms my world of despair.

My silence is my inner light.

No problem of mine can defy solution.

My silence is a selfless distributor of joy to ever-widening horizons.
In my silence I become a man of sterling character, a prolific writer, a voracious reader, a divine lover, a profound inspirer and a triumphant liberator.
In my deep silence I never become a victim to ignorance,

the greatest calamity that can befall any human being. In my growing silence,

I am convinced that even as a man on this earth I shall be able to reach heights, transcendental, divine.

My glowing silence alone can accelerate my Godward march.

(Words by Sri Chinmoy)

2007-10-13T00:37:00.001+05:30

"Yeh honsla kaise jhuke

Yeh arzoo kaise ruke

Manzil mushkil toh kya

Dhundla saahil toh kya

Tanha yeh dil toh kya..

Raah pe kaante bikhre agar

Us pe toh phir bhi chalna hi hai

Shaam chupa le suraj magar

Raat ko ik din dhalna hi hai

Rut yeh tal jaayegi

Himmat rang laayegi

Subah phir aayegi...... "

Keeping the spirit alive!!! Come what may.. I will not give up!

Empty...

2007-09-20T15:46:00.000+05:30

"Rishtey, Bharose, Chahat, Yakeen
Un sab ka daaman ab chaak hai
Samjhe the haathon mein hai zameen
Muththi jo khuli sab khaak hai....

Dil mein yeh shor hai kyun...?
Imaan kamzor hai kyun...?
Nazuk yeh dor hai kyun??? "

A special Thank you note..

2007-09-19T00:07:00.001+05:30

"i'm so tired that i can't sleep
standing on the edge of something much too deep
it's funny how i feel so much yet cannot say a word
we are screaming inside oh we can't be heard
don't let your life pass you by
weep not for the memories...................."
(Sarah Mclachan, I will remember you)

Can't thank you enough
for the cruel betrayal
I cannot ever trust anyone again
Can't thank you enough
for all the beautiful pain
the tears simply refuse to die down
Thank you so much
for shattering my beliefs
about any kind of goodness in the world
Can't thank you enough
for all the sleepless nights
and the turbulent days

I genuinely can't thank you enough
Coz of all that I went through
I rediscovered myself..
"Weep not for the memories...."
Its just not worth it...
It never was..

I wish I could someday understand how and why people derive pleasure by ruthlessly betraying someone... Maybe the answer isn't important! Coz Life comes a full circle. What you sow is what you reap!! ;)

Reflecting Upon......

2007-09-14T18:36:00.000+05:30

"I do not wish to treat relationships daintily, but
with the roughest courage. When they are real, they
are not glass threads or frost-work, but the solidest
thing we know."

"Be not the slave of your past. Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old."

"It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude."

(My fav quotes by Ralph Waldo Emerson)

At War...with the Self !

2007-09-10T12:30:00.000+05:30

The battlelines had been clearly drawn..The Enemy was prepared for an intensive onslaught.. I, alone was pitted against an army of human and inhuman forces.. Stepped onto the battlefield suffering from a gallimaufry of emotions. The familiar nervousness , the expected mental strain and many a doubts...
It was still time for the official kick-off... Desperately needed this crucial spell to myself..Took a few deep breaths..I knew they wouldnt do any good to pacify the turmoil within..Nevertheless, it somewhat cleared the dust n grime..
Gradually lifted my gaze to match it with my opponents..Its one thing to know who you would encounter and another to actually face them on the war ground. Quivering and trembling, I scanned each and every one. They were all present..My insecurities..my failures n foibles..the deep-seated complexes dint miss the opportunity to come to fore..even the fears set out to take revenge..the ghosts of the dreams that had been strangled with my own hands sprung up today..Most tragic was the sight of those people I had loved more than myself..they had betrayed me before, laid bruises neither time nor love could heal.. Life was offering a legitimate chance to give back the grief.. (little did life know about the ways of love..it ultimately gets down to tormenting oneself)
Glanced back for my allies in the war..It was just me! My shadow, too, stood across the borderline. Pain was the only weapon I carried..(to be continued...)

"The secret art of war and love is to know when to give up and move on."

For the sake of Individuality..

2007-09-09T14:09:00.000+05:30

If I ain't what others be,
they arent what's - ME!!

Sad In Spring !!!

2007-08-29T12:19:00.001+05:30

I know I am quite an imperfect individual.
Have committed several mistakes..
Taken a few wrong decisions...
Lacked the will to carry through some commitments..
But I never ever regretted anything.
I took my failures as learning experiences..
Imbibed all the lessons that came my way..

But for the first time I am deeply regretting a decision..
a choice I made..
gotta bear the cost of my weaknesses for a long time
I wish to go back in time and erase those few chapters..
I want nothing of it in my present..
Want to take back each and every word I said..
Bury all those memories alive!
Forget those relations ever existed in my life.
Cant take it anymore..
M fed up of my tears..
I want to Let GO...But How??
Gloom has enveloped the brighter things of life
Sentiments r getting murkier
Feels so empty within.

In my own World !!!

2007-08-26T19:51:00.001+05:30

"Kitni baatein yaad aati hai
Tasveerein si ban jaati hai
Main kaise inhe bhoolon
Dil ko kya samjhaoon..."

"Har ek roz naya aasmaan khulta hai
Khabar nahi hai ki kal din ka rang kya hoga
Palak se paani gira hai toh usko girne do
Koi purani tamanna pighal rahi hogi "
(My favourite lines..from two beautiful songs)

Why does it hurt?

2007-08-25T16:01:00.001+05:30

"Dil-e-Nadaan Tujhe hua kya hai
Aakhir is dard ki dawa kya hai
Humko unse wafa ki hai umeed
Jo nahi jaante wafa kya hai "

It all comes back in flashes once in a while..bringing with it a whole lot of pain...It takes many a drops of tears to heal and get back to the reality...

Living it.....

2007-08-21T17:33:00.000+05:30

Its a bizarre journey in an even more bizarre world.....

the moment you think you have it all figured out there is a fresher set of facts n figures to assimilate ...

the moment you find you're closer to your destination you realise it isnt what you struggled for...

the moment you feel you v found the love of your life, someone comes and wakes you up...

the moment you begin to understand the best way to lead life, the angel of death quietly slips his hand into yours...

So, Dont think Just Live..
Live for what you believe in!!!
Live for those who Love you !!!
Live for those you Love !!!
(but first make sure the person is worth your love)!!!
Most importantly, Live for yourself!!!
But in living for thy self always do Respect someone else's emotions as much as you respect yours!! :)

Hmmmmmmmm!!!!!!

2007-08-14T00:11:00.000+05:30

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2007-08-12T17:34:00.000+05:30

nothing more vulnerable than a just hurt heart...
nothing stronger than a hurt heart mended...
nothing more foolish than a young woman in love..
nothing wiser than a woman scorned by love....

(Came across these lines somewhere..)

If You hadnt been so foolish then, You probably wouldnt have been so wise today!!!
(Sigh....Sigh....)

As silly as it gets.....That's me!!

2007-08-11T00:22:00.001+05:30

Feel like writing something today..
Its been a long time i penned something good
But Words seem to be in a mood to play hide n seek
And the pot pourri of thoughts only adds on to the trouble
Ther's plenty running through my mind
I am tired..Just want to sleep...Wish I could..
I totally detest that feeling of helplessness
Coz I often find myself in that state
There's loads of stuff to do..that i cant even figure out
where to begin...this, no ...that !!!
Aah!! Leave it..Let me just think a little more..
Gosh!! Do i make any sense at all??
Nothing new about that i guess ;)
So, signing off with a goodnight(to me of course, is there any one who even reads what i write or is even remotely interested in what i feel and think)
Sweet dreams dear...please try having a sound sleep today for a change(minus the nightmares) ;)

Wish i could get a big chocolate pastry with scoops of vanilla icecream at this hour........... :(

Love - Plain n Simple!!

2007-08-08T18:35:00.001+05:30

Heere moti main na chahoon
Main toh chahoon sangam tera...
Main toh teriii....Saiyyan!!!
Tu hai mera...!!!!!!!!!! Saiyyan!!!

Fears come Alive!!

2007-08-08T17:53:00.001+05:30

They say.."You must always conquer your fears. Look them in the eye...and let go of that feeling of fear..."

I decided to let go of my biggest fear.. I chose to venture into the unknown...I did confront my nightmares...it was so beautiful but only for a moment...Just for a moment...Only to realise a moment later that my worst fears had indeed come true..They stared at me in the eye and mocked at my helplessness..laughed at my misery..
I will never ever have the courage to overcome this....and its all the more painful to live with it now.. Was/Is the pleasure of a moment worth a lifetime of agonising pain???????? Dont think so...........

Lonely...I am so lonely!!!

2007-07-24T20:29:00.000+05:30

Its just so lonely....I dont know what to do....

The Q&A's of Life !!

2007-07-24T18:35:00.000+05:30

"The Warrior never loses sight of what endures, nor of bonds forged over time. He knows how to distinguish between the transient and the enduring. There comes a moment, however, when his passions suddenly disappear. Despite all his knowledge, he allows himself to be overwhelmed by despair: from one moment to the next, his faith is not what it was, things do not happen as he dreamed they would, tragedies occur in unfair and unexpected ways, and he begins to believe that his prayers are not being heeded. He continues to pray and to attend religious services, but he cannot decieve himself, his heart does not respond as it once did, and the words seem meaningless.
At such a moment, there is only one possible path to follow: keep practising. Say your prayers out of duty or fear, or for some other reason, but keep praying. Keep on, even if all seems in vain.
The angel in charge of receiving you words, and who is responsible for the joy of faith, has wandered off somewhere. However, he will soon be back and will only know where to find you if he or she hears a prayer or request from you lips....."

Today, I got an answer...a much-needed direction....

I believe in the questions life throws at me...but more importantly I believe that life itself would provide me with the answers...when the time is right..when I am prepared to understand those answers.
I am truly waiting for you my ANGEL ...COME SOON!!

Heights of Pessimism !! ;)

2007-07-21T21:21:00.001+05:30

Came across it somewhere....found it to be ridiculously funny n yes pessimistic..!!

Those Three Wishes!!

2007-07-19T15:46:00.000+05:30

It was time to renew the Wish List. hmmmmm....i thought and i thought and i thought... Am I out of wishes now?? eeeeeooooowwwww!! No Way! There's always so so much that I wanted out of life. I still do i guess...
I think harder...
(after couple of hours of wandering in different directions..) Came up with a strange one this time.. not a single object..nothing fancy...all plain basic boring stuff... what the hell has happend to me?

I wish for a SMILE !! I have forgotten what it is to be happy... Do you know where do they sell these things??
I wish for LOVE !! I really do not know what it is to be loved... Is there anyone out there who would love me and accept me the way I am??
I wish for PEACE within!! Have been so restless for so long.. Shd I book my tickets to the Himalayas ?? ;) ;)
This magic lamp is hardly magical :(

In Between......???????

2007-07-18T17:43:00.000+05:30

I know of the darkness of the night...the pitch black skies.. black of the devil.. of impurity and sin.. And I am aware of white... So divine.. The color of Angels..of beauty, purity and perfection... (I also know of the colors of the rainbow, of flowers...so vibrant and so beautiful...exuding energy n enthusiasm n passion of life...)

But I never understood the greys...

As I look at life and its questions( and answers, maybe) it should be either black or white... Then what are the grey areas all about??

what the hell is the 'in between'...?? this is what perplexes me..

The world is in an absolute state of confusion..including myself of course ( no matter how much i try not to be a part of this world...it doesnt really change the fact) the confusion lies in the so called greys...we do not know what we want....we do not know what we do not want... i want this and at the same time want that as well..
Supposedly, there's a deeper message that emerges of it - the so called 'greys' i mean... not merely signifying confusion, it upholds the process of introspection and transformation.. It shouts at me... Think deeper!! Get in touch with your soul !!!

Then the greys will naturally gently fade out.... making way for clarity...... and Bliss !!

Love is all I need !!

2007-07-08T23:14:00.000+05:30

(Borrowed from somewhere.)

Many people, in seeking out love, tend to look outward rather than inward. Yet falling in love with yourself can be just as wonderful an experience as falling in love with someone else. While the idea of falling in love with ourselves may be perceived as conceited or selfish, choosing to fall in love with who you are is a powerful act of self-love.

When you fall in love with yourself, you can't help but experience a wonderful sense of discovery. You begin to look at yourself again through fresh eyes, becoming more attentive to the little details that make you so unique. Once you discover how much there is about you to fall in love with, you can't help but want to treat yourself as lovingly and respectfully as you would treat anyone who is special to you. You start to give to yourself more because you become more attentive to your own needs and desires.

Choosing to fall in love with yourself is a very personal process that takes time. There is no magic wand you can wave to make this just happen. But there is the magic of your intention and the power of your actions, whether you are taking the time to do the activities you like, speaking to and treating yourself with respect, taking inventory of all your wonderful qualities and accomplishments, or nurturing yourself with plenty of rest and self-care. When you fall in love with yourself, you begin to see yourself more positively, appreciate your unique outlook on life, and treat yourself in a more nurturing way. In loving yourself, you are acknowledging that you are special and deserving of love. Best of all, you are giving yourself one of the greatest gifts you have to give another. You are giving yourself the gift of your love.

Happy Birthday 'G'

2007-07-07T01:25:00.000+05:30

I still cannot believe that you are gone..coz i feel your presence everywhere..i think of you most of the time..i miss you a lot!! I never ever thought there would be a moment in my life without you..
But Life is always the unexpected !! Today on this very very special day..just want to tell you that I love you loads.. I miss you loads.. I know it would sound very selfish..but today I need you the most!! I promise that I am going to live by all that you taught me.. I am so grateful for all the blessings and the so very important lessons you taught me. Love u........

"Love left us...."

2007-07-05T01:00:00.000+05:30

" Did she leave you? or did you leave her??....... Love left us.......!!!" ( A dialogue from the movie Metro) i dont know why these lines stayed with me..and i am still thinking....
Can our love for someone ever leave us? Or if a feeling just evaporates with time, can you even label it as love? Isnt that trivialising love???
maybe my definition of love is too strong n impractical...bordering on somewhat filmy(not this film though but the general view) or bookish version of love...the happily ever after kinds... yes maybe, but even if it isnt the happy n beautiful culmination of love into marriage..if things dont work out.. love remains n it should!!! Isnt that what love is all about?? Loving an individual always...till your last breath.. the expressions can change, the circumstances may differ..proximity might disappear.. other emotions might takeover our senses n mind..but Love remains..right? Quietly sitting in the corner of the heart.. beautiful..pure n unfazed.. That is love.... i guess!!! (...to be continued)

Will i ever be able to trust u again????

2007-07-04T18:02:00.000+05:30

I trusted you blindly..told you all my secrets..shared with you all my dreams n ambitions..you know my fears..n you even supposedly understood my circumstances...yet you took all the wrong decisions..will i ever be able to trust you again?
in the conflict between you and the mind.. i always chose you-- my heart.. and all i got was pain..lies and betrayal..how could you do this to me? you promised me love..you promised me the happiness of the world and the beauty of life...you promised!!! Will i ever be able to trust you again??

Dont think so..coz you no more belong to me.. so how and why should i trust you?

............................

2007-07-03T17:56:00.000+05:30

i patched up with my loneliness
and shared vows for a lifetime
i sold our precious dreams
they fetched me nothing
only time can heal these scars
but iv kept the time on hold..
i got rid of all the love & warmth in me
now i am a part of the world...

A Leaf from someone's Diary!!!

2007-06-28T16:08:00.001+05:30

I wake up every morning..with your thought on my mind.....
the wonderful moments we spent together...the harsh words spoken to each other..
either way it is painful.. and a painful start to the day ensures that every moment I face is with soaked with tears... Make all the efforts to atleast manage my daily chores decently.. (never knew a mere basic activity like brushing teeth would seem so burdensome)
try to gather all the bits n pieces of strength left in me to think of the other things in life( though i dont really care) i have to if not for myself for a few people who still love me..
Its completely pointless to even think of anything...coz all i can manage these days is to shed some tears...i do that till the time my pillow is completely wet or iv spent too long in the bathroom for others to have doubts... Then i make all the effort to put on a nice fake smile (while the crying is even louder within) and utter a few words to put all those doubts to rest ( regarding my sanity and normalcy).. to my own surprise i am actually getting so good at pretending...pretending to be really happy as if life 's so beautiful when i am completely shattered... i dont realise how time passes..and i face the most difficult time of the day..the sunsets.. i look at the moon and i think of him(what he must be doing at this time, thinking of someone else maybe..i hope not..i wish he's thinking of me)..i look at the beautiful orangish-blue skies and they make me nostalgic...i hear some music playing somewhere and i am in much more pain...i pick up the phone to call him or a msg him..thinking maybe he changed his mind..maybe the nightmares are over..maybe today he'll tell me how much he loves me and cant live without me.. but all i get is a few phone calls from my friends..i hear how happy they are in their respective lives with their respective life partners and i am so cruelly reminded that i am so bloody lonely ..n a damn loser in life... with nothing in my hands, noone in my life and nothing to look forward to.... these moments too pass!! coz my life might have stopped long ago..but time doesnt wait for anyone.. and y shd it wait for me to hop on to the journey of life!! after all everybody else is happily enjoyng the journey..a couple of people left on the platform of life doesnt matter..right?
Another day passes...i lie on my bed thinking of how i spent the day thinking of you.. cry a little more and when my eyes are tired of it they somehow make an attempt to rest for the day(they are the ones doing all the work thru-out the day) i say goodnight to myself...looking forward to the next day that would begin with your thoughts....

ME !!!!

2007-06-24T23:10:00.000+05:30

I prefer my thoughts unstructured
Like my sentences unfinished
I love my emotions so baseless
Adore my existence so unfulfilled
I want only questions and no answers..
Dreams as they are..and no desires
Am used to my spaces so vacant
and my reflection so ordinary
Each day waking up without a purpose
Habituated to the lonely evenings
And the nights so restless
Let the prayers be unanswered
And the wishes uncared for…
And I accept my love unreciprocated…

Close to my Heart !

2007-06-24T22:47:00.000+05:30

I always loved this song..but today it has acquired a completely new meaning....though i wish i could appreciate the beauty and pain of it like before...merely from a distance..

Tere bina zindagi se koi shikva toh nahi
shikva nahi..shikva nahi..shikva nahi
Tere bina zindagi bhi lekin zindagi toh nahi
zindagi nahi ..zindagi nahi...

Kaash aisa ho tere kadmon se
chun ke manzil chalein
aur kahin ...door kahin
Tum gar saath ho manzilon ki kami toh nahi
Tere bina zindagi se koi shikva toh nahi

Ji mein aata hai tere daman mein
sar chupa ke hum
rote rahein..rote rahein
Tere bhi aankhon mein aansuon ki nami toh nahi
Tere bina zindagi se koi shikva toh nahi

Tere bina zindagi bhi lekin zindagi toh nahi
zindagi nahi..zindagi nahi......zindagi nahi

Abstract

2007-06-22T01:58:00.000+05:30

What does one do when life starts to leap from bad to worse..Does one sit back n watch the cruelties of life come into form..or Does one attempt to still make some change hoping for a solution?? i want to do the latter but stuck with the former!!
the Dreams in me are stifled..suffocated..they want to jump out n be a reality now...only if my destiny gave them a chance...i just want to kill them one by one..mayb that'll make life a lot easier for me!!!!

Just when things start to appear simpler n in control...it gets beyond me!! i thought i was moving towards my dreams..step by step..slowly n gradually..
m hunting for a strand of hope..a fragment of faith somewhere in my soul that can get me back to life..the life that i wish to live....the love that i long for...the smiles i wish to embrace....

In Mourning......

2007-05-31T22:30:00.000+05:30

Today I stand at the graveyard..
mourning my own death...
yes, I died today.....
My tears choked me
The pain strangulated me
My love for someone pierced my heart
Yes the regrets n guilts abound..
There was so much I should have done
Even much more that I shdnt have
But I am happy n grateful for those rare moments
I loved and lived.....
I never got to see him for one last time...
Just wanted to hold his hand
and touch his face...
n rest in his arms...
n tell him just how thankful I am

Is It time to say Goodbye????

2007-04-08T03:04:00.000+05:30

I gaze deep into your eyes
Do not find myself
Did I lose you somewhere??

Is it time to say Goodbye??

I hold you close in my arms
It no more feels as if we are one
Have you moved on??

Is it time to say Goodbye??

I run towards you with all my strength
But the distances only widen
Why are you walking backwards??

Is it time to say Goodbye??

I explored your thoughts
And I sought your words..

Am I nowhere ?????

Is it time to say Goodbye??

I am heartbroken...

Now dont you even see my pain??

Please answer me....

Is it time to say Goodbye??

Today I wish to know my own worth!!

2007-04-06T18:31:00.000+05:30

Is my worth..the tears i shed
or the few smiles that came my way!!
Is my worth the false friends I made
or the true enemies I encountered!!
Is my worth the love i offered
or the hatred i recieved!
Is my worth the prayers you answered
or the curses I was born with!
Is it...the ruthless scars that were inflicted on me
or the beautiful soft embraces..

Is it the blemished soul...
Is it this broken heart...
Is it this restless mind...
Today I wish to know my own worth!!!
Please answer me..........

Abstract

2007-02-15T16:03:00.000+05:30

All of a sudden I woke up...did i wake up from shallow sleep...or did i just wake up to the reality of life........ummm...dont know....everything of the past was a blur..very vague..i strained my mind to get rid of the haze..but the sight wasnt too comforting..there hardly had been any dreams fulfilled..only nightmares!!!loads of them..yet i hugged my dreams closely and tightly..after all they were the reason i was still moving on.but this very moment jolted me back to the cruelty of life....i find myself in a world that i knew existed but never confronted it.. well the time has arrived. and i think even i am tired of running away....

2007-02-14T18:57:00.001+05:30

The face says it all, does it all!!

The world only takes you at your face value..does the face truly say it all??? What I feel, what I think is so immaterial…and only the plastic cover sums up my identity.
Today u’ll meet aplenty who talk at length about INNER BEAUTY, when they actually are out to promote and flaunt their exterior charm. And the reason they get to be there in the first place lecturing people is only coz of their outer self. Else why would neone listen to them
Who the hell cares about how you are?? I know there are people who can truly value a person and understand your worth but it’s a task such that searching for a needle in a haystack appears simpler.
As must be evident the reason I am writing is because I have not been blessed with drop dead stunning looks. Actually that would be a big thing...I don’t think I even demand a second look. But am I apologetic about it...of course not!! There was a time when I was but thank god I grew out of that ridiculousness with time. I realized there is more to my existence and I truly thank god for all that I have.But today I am giving a vent to my frustration (certainly not the first time) coz the world often makes u realize your shortcomings. And I guess I am unfortunate that I have not yet been able to overcome this emotion n end up getting hurt for no rhyme or reason. When I should actually have pity on all those people for their bigoted notion of an individual.
For Chris sake I am not an object meant for neone’s visual pleasure. I am a human and what exactly makes me a human is my ability of think and ability to feel. But who cares??

Reaching Out to your Soul..

2007-02-09T14:34:00.000+05:30

When my tears float in your eyes
and your smiles I redefine
my thoughts fill up your world
the longing pierces like prickly pine
Bring your soul closer to mine!!

The gentle touch of winds feels like my embrace
when the dewdrop our love’s innocence define
flowers are more alluring than ever
and the moonlight mesmerizes, it is a sign
Bring your soul closer to mine!!

I promise to soak up all your pain
and the happiness we’ll combine
I propose all the love that ever be
and together make our abode a shrine
Please bring your soul closer to mine!!

Words often fail to convey
in silence, let the truth of love shine
never ever let go of faith
these threads are beautiful yet fine
Bring your soul closer to mine!!

When distances are immaterial
I live in your heart & you rest in mine
without one another our existence is incomplete
let our destinies marry to shape a fresh lifeline
Bring your soul closer to mine!!

I discovered you ages ago
just waiting for your soul to entwine
coz in the unison of souls
is the presence of divine..
Oh!! Please Bring Your Soul Closer to Mine!!

(Dedicated to Someone who continues to be a part of my imagination...COME ALIVE!! )

Pic Source: Corbis.com

I am missing him........yet again

2007-02-04T19:02:00.000+05:30

Yet again……I found myself in agony
n yet again…he was there by my side
Its always been a mystery
I never ever had to reach out to him
I never had to wait
He always sensed my pain..
He arrived..lovingly looked at me in the eye
My vision blurred for moments
And then he gently touched my cheek
Stayed there with me for long….
Do not recollect when he withdrew
But as always I had been healed
By Him…..my best friend
He is the Drop of Tear that thrives on me
Others need someone to wipe their tears
I only want my tears to mend my broken heart………….my best friend.
I am missing him yet again…………….

Dawn is Approaching........

2007-01-30T15:43:00.000+05:30

The night appeared to be unusually dark
Its significance in my life was stark
Stars and the moon vanished in the haze
Today my allies of gloom too parted ways
The clouds poured their heart out
Left me drenched in their tearful spout
Supressed wails found an echo in the thunder
To the fury of nature I had to eventually surrender
The outburst had me trembling and cold
Though the story had not been told
Gradually the clouds drifted to another destination
Coz in my world there had been a perfect rendition
There is a reason behind everything in life
This night had come to alleviate my strife
Now it was left on me to pick up the pieces
And smooth away all the painful creases
Know the task is arduous and the tides are strong
However promise myself to travel all along
The darkest night of my life still continues
But I can sense the proximity of morning hues..

As I Wait.....

2007-01-15T19:52:00.000+05:30

I am dyin a little
each moment I live
As a drop of blood falls from the eye
it takes away a part of me
My loneliness shatters me from within,
the sound is deafening
The heart aches of hollowness
and everytime i sail through
I know it wont last
My hope is lost and I wait for the final moment..
I only pray for peace , when I lay on my death bed..
the time will come very soon
a wait..................not for very long
and I shall achieve the first victory of my life
in the arms of death................................

Rubaroo

2006-11-26T21:05:00.000+05:30

Arson ke baad dil chaha aaj khud se rubaroo ho jaayein
Kuch baatein hum kahein aur chand alfaz woh sunayein....

Shayad un chubte sawalon ke jawaab aaj paa jaayein
Kaash ek pal ko issi duniya mein jannat ka ehsaas paa jaayein.....

Humne poocha ki hamein andheron ka khauf kyun hai
Aur na jaane ujale toh kabse khafa kyun hai.....

Koi saathi nahi..bas un bichde hue logon ki parchaiyan baaki hai
Bahut talasha us pyaar ko maine..par har taraf nakaami hi hai....

Har tamanna adhoori aur har khqwab bezubaan reh gaya
Haqeeqat aur khqwab ke milan ka armaan reh gaya....

woh bhi khamosh rehkar hamari bechargi par hans gaya
Aaj woh bhi hamein alvida kar gaya....