Unfortunately, I am back...

For certain reasons, I have terribly missed this blog and particularly missed being able to write - no, not the conventional scribbling of words and sentences but writing in a manner that heals me....truly and deeply unraveling my emotions... the darker side of me that I myself cannot always comprehend..sentiments that even I am unaware of... they all found a meaning here...this space has been almost theraupetic..
To me, this long hiatus meant that I was over that phase of life (which was complex and strange), atleast I thought so and it made me quite happy to say the least. I felt that I was getting closer to how I wanted my life to be and the past did not have a place in the future...

Unfortunately, today I am back in this space.. A whole lot has changed over the years but some aspects of life remain the same.. those very areas that pricked me the most, that hurt me the most and ruined me the most. I do not know how to deal with myself and the situation anymore...

Am I doing anything wrong in dreaming of a happier n brighter future? Why can't I have simple solutions and no more problems? Things can never ever be perfect but I still want them to be...
I know the problem lies in the way I view things...It is too idealistic. Life can never be completely devoid of problems. Whatever problems exist, they must be fought bravely and properly dealt with.... No matter how much I remind myself of all this, it just doesn't help... I do not find in myself the strength to fight, I am unable to accept things the way they are.. I can no more carry this pain.... Wish someone had the answers and the solutions!!!!