May 15, 2011
In the past one year or so, I have managed to learn quite a bit about relationships... I value all those people who are far away from me. I have to come to understand & appreciate them much more. I regret not having done enough for them. I regret the times when I fought or argued or upset them. But that time will never come back. Now all that I can do is to pray for their well being and long life.
If I do something good, I get rewarded for it.. But when I dont do what is expected of me I get punished real bad...
Today, as I am cooped up in my room all alone, I can experience a whole lot of emotions at the same time... I feel sad, I feel scared, I feel light, I feel surreal - almost as if I am not going this experience...
I dont know what tomorrow is going to be like... I dont know how good or bad life is really going to be in the coming days, months or years. But what I know now is that I have to make some changes.. This changes may appear small & meaningless but they really are life-altering from my point of view. I dont want to do it for anyone else or any other reason. I want to do it for myself as it will make me come closer to myself.
April 20, 2011
April 18, 2011
I want to breathe the fresh air...I want to smell the lovely flowers... I want to witness the highs of life... I want to view the world from amazing heights...
Will my wishes ever come true?????
April 11, 2011
April 8, 2011
April 7, 2011
I have to learn how to fight my battles all alone.. I have to learn to be strong & capable.. I have to work on myself a lot. A personal transformation was always an option that I desperately needed to exercise. But now, it has become a compulsion..
In order to live this life, I have no choice but to change myself into someone I am not...
April 6, 2011
Emotions still run astray and thoughts just aimlessly float around all the time.. I tend to feel unloved and unwanted here. That my existence makes simply no difference to anyone. With time, I will have all my answers. I just hope they are the ones that I can handle..
I need a purpose - a strong enough purpose that can drive me away from the present mess and towards a meaningful end. My current to-do list isn't convincing at all. Nevertheless, I will have to go along with it for the time being.
March 29, 2011
Its not that I do not want to live the way others do - free and happy. Its just that I know that I won't be able to. I am a firm believer in destiny and karmas. The past has revealed to me that I am not meant to be happy, ever... I dont have the strength to fight my destiny or be hopeful that a miracle might be on its way. Now, I am at ease being in pain. I have accepted it as my life and my destiny.
March 28, 2011
But the carpet of comfort was yanked away from under my feet and I fell flat on my face. I find myself in a land of nothing - where I have noone with me, nowhere to go and nothing to look forward to. Life has become very painful, as it never ever was...
This time around I am devoid of any hope whatsoever... Whatever happens in the future, one thing is for sure - happiness will never knock on my door again...
April 3, 2010
To me, this long hiatus meant that I was over that phase of life (which was complex and strange), atleast I thought so and it made me quite happy to say the least. I felt that I was getting closer to how I wanted my life to be and the past did not have a place in the future...
Unfortunately, today I am back in this space.. A whole lot has changed over the years but some aspects of life remain the same.. those very areas that pricked me the most, that hurt me the most and ruined me the most. I do not know how to deal with myself and the situation anymore...
Am I doing anything wrong in dreaming of a happier n brighter future? Why can't I have simple solutions and no more problems? Things can never ever be perfect but I still want them to be...
I know the problem lies in the way I view things...It is too idealistic. Life can never be completely devoid of problems. Whatever problems exist, they must be fought bravely and properly dealt with.... No matter how much I remind myself of all this, it just doesn't help... I do not find in myself the strength to fight, I am unable to accept things the way they are.. I can no more carry this pain.... Wish someone had the answers and the solutions!!!!
September 15, 2009
March 27, 2009
March 5, 2009
February 13, 2009
"Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; It does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
This is such a beautiful & complete way of expressing an emotion (which I always considered indescribable). Tomorrow is Valentine's Day - the day to celebrate Love in its entirety and utmost purity. I have heard, read & come across a lot of people who question the relevance of this day. But I say why not?? Why shouldn't we have a day that celebrates Love - the essence & beauty of 'Love'. Love that captures not just a romantic bond between a couple but also chaste love between a mother & a child, the camaraderie between two friends, the sweet-sour affection among siblings, the faithful devoutness of a devotee for God or for that matter, a plain un-named relationship between two individuals.
I wholeheartedly agree with the thinking that we must understand, cherish & express our Love to our loved ones every single day (or for that matter each moment of our existence). In these unpredictable strange times of life, we all must gather, steal & wheedle out all those beautiful moments of love & togetherness that we can. But as we get caught in the whirlpool of life, I think days like the Valentine's day bring with it a tender realization of the significance of love. Its certainly not meant to be the only day in the year when you celebrate love. To me, this day is an opportunity to celebrate, to do something extra-special for all the people who mean the world to me, feel blessed & grateful for all the love I have and most importantly, promise myself to be more loving & giving with each passing moment.
Cheers to 'Love' and all those people who believe in 'Love'...
December 31, 2008
Wishing all my lovely blog-mates a bright, happy, peaceful & safe NEW YEAR!!!
Let’s embrace 2009 with hope & faith in our hearts and spread the message of love & peace the year round... :D
October 14, 2008
"Live totally, and live intensely, so that each moment becomes golden and your whole life becomes a series of golden moments. Such a person never dies because she has the Midas touch: whatever she touches becomes gold.... " (Quote by Osho)
September 26, 2008
July 14, 2008
It wasn’t too long ago that she had been sitting at the same place, cosily wrapped in the silken fabric of her dreams & desires.
But what had gone wrong?
One loose thread has the capacity to unknot the complete relationship...
July 1, 2008
Getting bak to my blog after almost a month.. the scheduled break ws only 15 days.. but i jst couldn't and didn't want to get bak..
It'll probably take me some more time to get bak to writing.. nevertheless, m around to catch up on all the lovely blogs.. :)
June 1, 2008
May 21, 2008
Filled to the brim it was
With worldly gems and jewels
I thought I acquired it all
But my existence is yet so incomplete...
I desire for something more...something genuine
I yearn for a gentle stroke of love
In the times of unfaithful passions
Crave for a speck of truth
In the falsities of words and deeds
Searching for traces of faith
In the web of rationality and logic
Longing for a moment of peace
In the turbulence of minds n hearts
Get me a pure drop of tear
In the murky waters of emotions
Time is running out !!!
May 7, 2008
April 26, 2008
Hope I can come up with some answers... and hopefully interesting ones!! ;)
8 things I am passionate about...
(but not necessarily in this order)
2. Food (Yeah..anything n everything..chinese, italian, north Indian or South Indian..chocolates..ice creams..u name it & I love it...Gosh!! M feeling hungry)
4. Sketching n Painting
6. Love (Sounds strange probably..but m passionate about love.. loving people..anything & everything associated with love)
7. Passionate about my dreams n ambitions..
8 things I want to do before I die...
1. Travel the world.. a long list of places n cities I wanna visit
2. Have an exhibition of my paintings & sketches
3. Want to do something extremely special for my parents ..(maybe gift them a world tour)
4. Open a book shop or a Cafe or a Cookies shop..
5. Wanna own a beautiful home with fabulous interiors.. and have all the beautiful people I love with me
6. Want to learn a few things before I die - To play the violin, Salsa..Classical Singing..
7. Wanna meet Sachin Tendulkar
8. Successful career
8 things I say often...
2. Shut up
3. Oye or Oye hoye
4. Get lost
5. I mean (tend to use it a lot in my sentences)
6. Ohh God
8 books I have read recently...
1. Powers of the Subconscious mind
2. Fooled by Randomness (Started reading it..)
3. My CFA course books ... :(
4. Eleven Minutes (Coelho)
5. Like a flowing river (Coelho)
(These are the only recent ones.. )
8 songs I could listen to over and over again...
1. Jhuki jhuki si nazar (Jagjit Singh)
(well.. I can listen to every ghazal of Jagjit singh over & over again..)
2. Tujhse naraz nahi zindagi (Masoom)
3. Tere bina zindagi se koi shikva toh nahi (Aandhi)
4. Ae kaash ke hum (Kabhi haan kabhi naa)
5. Baatein kuch ankahi si (Life in a Metro)
6. O Re Piya (Aaja Nachle)
7. Yeh jo des hai tera (Swades)
8. My Heart will go on (Celine Dion)
8 things that attract me to my best friends...
1. They are all genuine unique individuals
2. I can be myself with them
3. They can anytime bring a smile on my face
4. Have supported me in my tough times
5. Sharing & caring attitude
6. For tackling me when I am difficult & unreasonable
7. I always get to learn so much from them.
8. They love me for who I am
8 people I think should do this tag...
Well, I don't even know 8 people in bloggersphere.. :(
So, the answer for this one is - 'Not Applicable' :)
April 24, 2008
April 13, 2008
Every now and then, the mirror compels me to confront myself..
Unlike the alive beings, it is completely pretence proof.
It smirks at the fake smile I offer….
ruthlessly reveals the creases of pain on the face..
i can even see the unknown tears absurdly dance in the eyes waiting for their turn…
while the dried ones have left smudges so conspicuous now….
the artificial lotions n potions do nothing to conceal the angst….
I shudder at my own ghastly image ……..
it gets unbearable and the very moment I decide to run away
there is a flash of light ...a blur…
then, I see myself again but with a fresh reflection….
a smile extends on the face that is so pure…
skin sparkles with innocence...
eyes that twinkle with hope….
their crystal waters shimmer with beautiful dreams…
Life is like a pendulum that oscillates between agony and ecstasy….
and so does my existence……. :)
April 12, 2008
Why do people become so self-centred & obssessed when they are in love? They see nothing & feel nothing except love & the one they are in love with... at one level, it is all nice n mushy n romantic n great..but at another level, it implies a high level of insensitivity towards the other people, who have been with them through thick n thin.. supported them in their lonely moments..
Funnily, I lost many of my friends, thanks to the love bug..
Anyhow, cheers to them and their love..
(Can't believe I am writing this..but what the heck, I am really pissed off... )
April 8, 2008
How can I possibly forget those eyes? The reason I exist.. Devastating..Mesmerising..Serene..Earthy brown..
March 31, 2008
It would dispel the darkness within
Wish I knew the candle of hope was waiting to be rekindled…
I soaked myself in the heavy rain thinking
It would rinse away the blemishes on the soul
Wish I knew I needed the willingness to change...
I immersed myself in the crowds thinking
It would take away the loneliness pangs
Wish I knew the worth of a genuine relationship...
I gazed at the rainbow for long thinking
It would lend colors to my life
Wish I knew I chose the palette of gray n blacks...
I let the winds slap me on the face thinking
It would be a punishment for the immoral deeds
Wish I knew I had to pay off as long as I lived...
I walked on the snow barefoot thinking
It would treat the wounds and scars
Wish I knew they could never be healed...
I squandered away all the time thinking
There would be several others to rejoice
I wish I knew this was the last moment
I wish I knew this was the last moment…
March 25, 2008
why do some people have it so easy in life... and why is it that a lot of people live through their lives miserably despite all the sincere efforts... do we really get what we deserve??.. or is it that we deserve only what we get... maybe, its only a matter of one's perspective towards life and nothing else...Wish I had a magic wand to set certain things right for myself and a lot of people around me... :)
March 19, 2008
|Salaam Namaste - T...|
Heard this song after quite some time today... surprisingly i felt my eyes moisten and voila!! those drops quietly fell on my cheeks one by one... I dont know why it happened...
The music evoked a strange, vaccous feeling... as if m surrounded by a zone of emptiness all around... Within few moments, the space got filled with certain memories, the ones I had gotten riddance of.. atleast that is what I thought.. and gradually, plenty of other thoughts took over..
There wasnt any sort of direct connect of the song to what I went through or what I have been going through.. it just made me feel lonely.. I longed for someone to say these words to me.. to comfort me, make me feel protected & loved, to hold me tightly in his arms & say that everything is going to be just fine...
It wasn't about feeling weak or incapable of handling the situations & struggles in my life. It wasn't even about looking out for someone to sympathise or empathise with me. I am proud of the fact that I have developed the strength & patience to manage myself and my life very well. It was just like a rare moment of 'craving'... I wish it was one of those conventional desires for an ice-cream or a chocolate or anything for that matter which I could have satisfied somehow.. it is the thirst for so-called genuine & meaningful wants which can't be quenched so easily. But it was just what my soul ordered for today... I simply shrugged my shoulders, wiped my tears and got back to work.. the longing remains...
March 15, 2008
The First Secret - The Power Of Thought
The Third Secret - The Power Of Giving
The Fifth Secret - The Power Of Touch
The Sixth Secret - The Power Of Letting Go
The Eighth Secret - The Power Of Commitment
The Ninth Secret - The Power Of Passion
March 13, 2008
March 11, 2008
March 8, 2008
"Defeated"... Yes, we have been defeated.. In the last10 months, I didnt even let this word cross my mind coz I had full conviction and absolute faith in the cause we were fighting for. The faith still stands strong & unfazed. But the bottomline is a battle cannot be fought only on the basis of thought & spirit.
It isnt an easy task to fight for justice in any realm of life and this fact wasnt unknown to us. We let the overwhelming spirit of truth & righteousness prevail and decided to take the plunge. We chose to fight the demons with every ounce of strength and courage in our body and soul. Can't really say about my fellow beings but me & my family are a part of this mission coz we owe it to that one man who gave us everything - a reason to live... the judgement of right and wrong... ability to take decisions... the awareness of our real purpose...the meaning of life... the light of faith... the path to spirituality & bliss... bountiful blessings & enormous love...
We fought for 'him' and for 'ourselves'... its one and the same thing...coz the invisible lines that separate us were getting blurred with time.
It was never the will or the spirit to battle it out that was lacking... it was those seemingly unimportant peripheral areas that brought about the doom. Sadly, truth doesnt find many takers. We have made it a basic human tendency to turn a blind eye to all the wrongs happening around us.. Worse, people willingly join the evil brigade, lured by momentary gains.. After all, its a commercial society that we live in... everything has a price tag attached to it... I personally know hordes of people who put themselves on sale and eventually stood on the other side of the line. It is the human and non-human resources that fell short of... Turned every stone to win every form of support... And not to forget, the corrupt politicians & the rotten judicial system hit the final nail in the coffin.. Here we stand today, just a handful of people... demoralized, shattered, heartbroken...
As I am writing this, my words keep oscillating between the past & the present tense... Somewhere, deep down I am struggling to accept the facts in front of my eyes... and of course, the ray of hope hasn't extinguished yet... have to keep that alive somehow..
Not letting the tears drop out of my eyes... a weak moment is the last thing I want... let the pain prick me every second... do not want this defeat to get erased out of my memory... rest, I leave upto you Lord...Amen!!
March 6, 2008
"Ssssssshhhhhhhhhhh.....!!!! Finger on your lips... I want pindrop silence..." I put on that school principal kinda stern look and a somewhat authoritative tone and asked my mind to just shutup... Have been totally fedup of its childish mischief and melodrama in last few months.. Got some lovely moments of peace today... sigh..finally!!!!!! It felt so nice n quiet within.. simply loved it.. :)
My crazy lil mind is always upto some devilish prank. Relentlessly trying to interfere in whatever I do..and whatever I dont do.. Thank god!! He took to my scolding this time around... ;)
I just dont wanna think anything for a few days.. Taking a break from my 'thought process' ..
Gonna be a mute spectator for a while.. the objective would be to - Look Observe & Assimilate without any kinda reasoning, logic or rationality gushing in.. Let's how it goes...
March 4, 2008
Did I run out of topics or devoid of thoughts?? Neither.. Its not even paucity of time.. just the inability to structure my thoughts... coz there's simply too much to handle.. work, studies, health and an important issue which is gradually turning sore... and a lot more... So, I just keep wildly jumping n hopping from one subject to another..
But I truly missed you my dear blog... :) ..my bestest buddy at all times.. You always quietly n patiently listen to me... very sweetly assimilate all the crap I offer.. :) hehehehe...
Promise to try and be regular now on...
February 15, 2008
So far, it has been people saying good-byes to me...sometimes silent...sometimes verbal...often subtle...rarely open n direct.. Now, I am making an exception..not just for the heck of it.. moreso, as a need of the hour. I am making extremely sincere attempts to steer my life into the direction I always wanted. Have been trying to do that for long..but its not going to be half-baked attempts anymore. In this process of revamping my life, I chose to say good-byes to a lot of friends. The list is so long that it makes me wonder for a few moments..What was I upto all this while? Am I so naive n foolish that everytime I end up being a victim of the famous Dishonest Backstabbers Group?
Anyhow, Let me just do what I wanted to... and waste no more of my time.
Goodbye to all those lucky people out there!!! Thank you so much for teaching me the most crucial..most painful n most important lessons of life... I think its much better to live alone with some integrity n self respect than be an emotional slave to those who just do not care..
(Luckiest are those...who find genuine friends in life... )
February 5, 2008
I need you.. I desperately need you.. Not to heal my pain..Not at all asking you to sort out my problems.. not even to grant me 'this wish' or 'that wish' ...Just want to talk to you.. one on one..So far, it was only about ME.. What I want...n How I want it..How much life sucks..No matter whatever you give me, its never never enough..But now, I want it to be about 'US'..I want to hear your comforting voice..Please come back!! Say all that you wish to...Talk to me!! Guide me...Lead me...Motivate me...Support me...Embrace me.. Just be with me My Lord!!! I cant seem to find you anywhere..anywhich way.... :(
January 28, 2008
Choked with overwhelming emotions...
I want to break free....
I want to immerse myself in the softness of my soul...
Wish to be wrapped in the fabric of silken dreams...
Unravel my essence & Discover my Bliss....
December 21, 2007
December 10, 2007
I am not complaining and I am not demanding..But yes, I am sad and terribly lonely...
I never realised I had changed so much in the past few months..Gone are the days when I used to be genuinely happy for others..I am certainly very happy for all my loved ones and have only good wishes to offer from the core of my heart..But still...it somewhere does leave a sour taste..I know it sounds awful..Frankly, I dont really care coz I am being honest to myself..
Things have changed drastically..not for the better of course.. The word friendship has lost its meaning..When their own little world is so beautiful, they dont really need an outsider..And the moments I want someone by my side, I dont have them..I feel as if I dont know these people anymore, who were an integral part of my life for years.. Maybe its just a passing phase..Hope so!!
The icing on the cake is my being single..I dont understand how and why it is a point of concern for the rest of the world..Every now and then, I find myself at the receiving end..Every person on the road has a lecture or an advice or an opinion to hand over..Gimme a break!! What the hell do you know and Why the hell do you care? Just coz their own life is hunky-dory gives them a right to point fingers at me..With not an inkling of what I might be possibly going through? Who doesnt want to be in love and be loved??
But its not in my hands.. I am living this life and noone can possibly understand what I go through..I do not expect anyone to understand or empathise or sympathise...But I desperately need peace..Let me be!! Please!! Let me be with the memories of the happier days gone by.. And the love and thoughts of those very very few people who mean the world to me and will always do.....
I have always been really really fond of the Winter season..The sun might get a little dull this time of the year but I used to be all bright and cheerful..Not this time though..I am definitely finding this winter a bit too cold....Looking forward to the Spring......................
December 6, 2007
On this cold wintery morning with a soft touch of sunshine...I find myself so lonely..Completely overpowered by your thoughts..Wish you knew How much I miss you and How much I want to be with you..