'PAIN'... is all I can feel...

I just wish I wasn't such an emotional fool... At every step, I have to go through so much of pain because of my ridiculously emotional nature. Yet, I fail to learn... This huge jolt might just be the lesson that I will take. I need to be less emotional and more detached. I need to stop thinking about everyone... I need to learn how to live like a machine which mechanically performs all its tasks and depreciates gradually to meet its final death... maybe I can be like that. All it needs is some efforts! Hard work can help one achieve anything. So, let this be my goal in life....

Its not that I do not want to live the way others do - free and happy. Its just that I know that I won't be able to. I am a firm believer in destiny and karmas. The past has revealed to me that I am not meant to be happy, ever... I dont have the strength to fight my destiny or be hopeful that a miracle might be on its way. Now, I am at ease being in pain. I have accepted it as my life and my destiny.

Back to where I was...

Life loves to always throw me back on track... I am not allowed to deviate from my usual lifestyle that comprises of pain, anguish and insecurities... Last few months were probably the better ones of my life so far. Atleast I thought so...
But the carpet of comfort was yanked away from under my feet and I fell flat on my face. I find myself in a land of nothing - where I have noone with me, nowhere to go and nothing to look forward to. Life has become very painful, as it never ever was...
This time around I am devoid of any hope whatsoever... Whatever happens in the future, one thing is for sure - happiness will never knock on my door again...